I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
