I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
