I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
