dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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