why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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