doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bring me that man meat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
