If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
