Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
