I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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