I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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