I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
