I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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