Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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