You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
