the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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