Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
