WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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