Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
