I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
