Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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