you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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