he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
