You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
