the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
