did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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