I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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