My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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