this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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