I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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