I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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