my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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