if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
