I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
