i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
