i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
