Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
