This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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