had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
