i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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