I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
