My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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