I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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