the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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