I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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