I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
