summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
