I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
