Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So vagazzling was a success
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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