the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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