How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
