So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You ruined the universe
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
