now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
