Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
